it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
