i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
