Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
