Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
