at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
