Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
