my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
