My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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