Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
