So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
