i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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