Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
