I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
