Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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