dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish you could order shots online.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
