Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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