what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
