Umm I'm too high to move.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need to sanitize my soul.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
