Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
