i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
as a side note pls kill me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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