also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
