also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Randomize
