my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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