Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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