I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
