Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
