I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
