It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
