How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
