D3 body, D1 cock
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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