Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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