this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
