when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
