I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
