Nicole vs. Life
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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