I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
