we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
