I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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