Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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