Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
