I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
a search helicopter?!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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