How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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