I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
