I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
