i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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