tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
