Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
