Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
