Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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