All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
