i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
