it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
