Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
