Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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