she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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